I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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