Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
