it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
