There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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