At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
