I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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