You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize