reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this just has baby written all over it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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