addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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