she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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