He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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