I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
