: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
