note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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