were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
