It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
