and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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