i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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