My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She bit a glass in half.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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