I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
