Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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