I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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