Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
