Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Randomize
