she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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