Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my poor anus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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