Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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