My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
