New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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