This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
