'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
