I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
