I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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