he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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