I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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