Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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