Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
