its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
