Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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