You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
