I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
