Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
