so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thus making me awesome and them whores
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
