I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
