I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
