I showed him my bush... on skype.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
