So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
