i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
