This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
