Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
