zippers are such a cool invention
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize