I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
