Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
