Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
