im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she looked like the before picture.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
