3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
