mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love having hate sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
