Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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