I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
