Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
