the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
